True Love

I just finished reading a great article by Ann Voskamp on her blog called, The Real Truth About 'Boring' Men - And the Women Who Live With Them: Redefining Boring.  Her words to her sons speak so eloquently of what real romance is, saying, "How a man proposes isn’t what makes him romantic. It’s how a man purposes to lay down his life that makes him romantic."  You should definitely read the blog post if you have a few minutes. 
Reading it, once again, made me so, so thankful for my wonderful husband.  Moments after finishing the post, Sadie woke up (already! She just went to bed about 45 minutes ago!), and as I sat in the dark nursing our sweet girl I was just overwhelmed with a sense of gratitude and thankfulness for Scott.  It's not his birthday, and it's not Father's Day...it's just another ordinary day in our crazy whirlwind life.  He's sitting on an uncomfortable couch in a dorm right now keeping an eye on 12 high school boys.  He helped us all get out the door this morning as we headed to drop Camden off at preschool and he went straight into a 3 hour meeting, followed by lunch, followed by the all- school assembly, followed by class, followed by a short break during which he came home to say hi to our family and wrestled with the boys for a few minutes, then he headed back into school to run basketball practice, met us in the dining hall for a quick 25 minute dinner, and then headed to dorm duty where he'll stay until about 11:00 tonight.  And the thing is, he ended up in Micah's twin bed with him last night around 4:00am and was up for good with the boys shortly after 5:00am and the same thing is going to happen again tomorrow morning.

Scott isn't flashy.  He didn't have an elaborate proposal that included a lip-synch with my fifty closest friends and relatives.  He just had a ring in his pocket (that he helped design using my grandmother's diamond) that was burning a hole there for a few days until he felt it was the perfect time.

I don't get dozens of roses throughout the year.  Or new jewelry.  Or chocolates (luckily he knows I hate chocolate).  He's a simple guy.  He doesn't try to one-up his friends.  He just lives his life in a way that speaks volumes of his love and commitment to me and our family.  And honestly, isn't that so much better than material things anyways?!?  "How a man proposes isn’t what makes him romantic. It’s how a man purposes to lay down his life that makes him romantic."

During most of his early mornings (while I'm still in bed with Sadie) he empties the dishwasher and folds loads of laundry.  He makes the boys breakfast and packs Camden's snack for preschool.

He walks into work through the rain and snow because we only share one car.  He gives me the bigger slice of pizza or cake or whatever it is that we both like without me even asking.  He works so, so hard so that I can stay home and care for our children.  He was by my side through 3 epic labors/deliveries.  He remained so calm and so strong, which in turn helped me to be calm(ish) and strong (enough).  He makes me laugh.  He lets me cry.  He changes boys' sheets in the middle of the night without complaint.  He rubs my feet even though he doesn't enjoy it - haha!  He makes up scavenger hunts for the kids and plays imaginary games with them.  He loads up the wood-holder with the wood I'll need for the day so I don't have to trudge outside and do it myself (too often at least).  He encourages us to go to church, even when we're tired and don't want to drive the 45 minutes each way.  He's involved in the decisions we make for our children and respects the way I mother them.  He makes me feel beautiful even though my body (for some reason?!?!) doesn't look or feel the same as it did when I was 20.

I could go on and on.  He's committed, he's loving, he's my partner and my best friend and I'm so incredibly thankful that God brought him into my life over a decade ago!

Ann Voskamp writes, "Let everyone do their talking about 50 shades of grey, but don’t let anyone talk you out of it: commitment is pretty much black and white. Because the truth is, real love will always make you suffer. Simply commit: Who am I willing to suffer for?"

I'm thankful that Scott is willing to love, and suffer for, me.

Micah's New Look

 Today was a big day in our household.  For a number of months now Scott and I have been noticing some weird things going on with Micah's eyes.  It became clear to us that he had difficulty seeing or focusing on things that were close to his face.  He'd turn his head almost sideways and look down out of the corner of his eyes to finish eating his applesauce and when he tried to focus on something that was near his face he would often go cross-eyed. 
Here he is blowing out his birthday candles and doing his little sideways head tilt...

We mentioned our concerns to our pediatrician and she did some eye tests on him at her office and he passed every single one.  Luckily she encouraged us to follow our gut.  "If you're seeing something off with him at home then I definitely think you should follow through and have him see a specialist." Thankfully, we were able to get an appointment with a very respected specialist at Dartmouth-Hitchcock, but had to wait about 2 months to get in to her office (since he passed his initial tests, they couldn't hurry him up on the schedule).  Meanwhile, my Mama brain is going a million places that you don't want to go - what's wrong with him?  Does he have a brain tumor (that does cause vision loss...)?  Is he going to be OK?  Ugh...I have a hard time thinking about bad things happening to my children.  After losing my Dad to cancer, I feel delicate, like I'm afraid of what is going to happen next to hurt my family.  It's no way to live, and I'm hoping I'll heal from the hurt that I experienced through his health trials, but it has definitely made me more vulnerable.  More scared.  More nervous of what's to come. 

I brought all three kids with me to Micah's appointment on Monday.  It wasn't ideal, and if I had known how long of an appointment it was going to be or how much new information was going to be thrown at me, I would have tried harder to find someone else to help with the kids.  All the grandparents were busy though and Sadie still relies on me to nurse her every couple of hours so there really wasn't another option.  Thankfully, Camden was very well behaved for me, but Sadie needed some juggling and bouncing and I even tried to nurse her while the doctor was doing eye tests with Micah - all of us crammed into a tiny office and me just doing whatever I could to keep the baby quiet enough so I could observe what was happening with Micah.  After a number of initial tests they said it looked like there were some issues and we'd have to dilate his eyes "to see if he needs glasses or if there is something else going on...".  Gulp.  Hopefully, he just needs glasses.  Sadly, they said they had to put two different drops in each of his eyes.  The first one wouldn't hurt but the second one stings.  My poor little Micah just started screaming and we had to hold him down while I'm bouncing Sadie on my hip while she administered the drops.   

Thankfully, we were on the pediatric wing at DHMC and there is an incredible children's play room that easily kept us busy for the in between time.  After we were finally called back in, the doctor did a few more tests on Micah and finally started to try to explain some things to me.  I've never had any eye issues before so the vocabulary is all completely foreign to me.  Add in the fact that I was juggling three kids who were very tired of being at the hospital and let's just say I had a difficult time grasping all the information she was trying to explain.  Basically, Micah has trouble focusing on things close to him - and he may even be seeing double sometimes.  His eyes had a tendency to cross or sometimes wander a bit and we wanted to be sure to take care of this now so that his brain makes all the proper connections with his eyes so that these things don't become permanent.  She assured me that he had a pretty standard case of whatever this is called - yes...it's true...I don't know exactly what's wrong with my son's eyes - so when I whispered the words brain tumor she assured me that it didn't look like anything like that.  Deep sigh of relief as I held back tears.  Phew!  Apparently, he may grow out of this and not need glasses anymore, but the range that that usually happens within is anywhere from 5 years old to early teens.  Looks like we'll probably be living with glasses and eye doctors appointments and more health bills for a while, but I'm just so thankful to know what's going on and know that he's OK. 

We had to wait about 20 minutes for his eyes to dilate so I shuffle our small army out of the office and back into the waiting area with Sadie on one hip and a screaming Micah on the other.  We were a sight to see. 

We went to the store together on Wednesday and picked out his glasses.  He was such a trooper and was so excited about it.  He was in a great mood the entire time until he realized that we couldn't bring his glasses home that day because they had to make them special for him.  He was so disappointed.  We thought we'd have to wait until early next week, but they called Thursday night and said they were ready!  Yahoo!  He was asking constantly when his glasses would be ready, so I'm glad they didn't take too long!  We went back to the store today (three 45 minute drives in the opposite direction of Camden's preschool this week) and picked them up.  He has been SO excited.  "Mama - did you know that Peter Pan wears glasses?"  "Mama, now we can play War with the little cards and I'll be able to see the numbers."  "Mama, you don't have to call me Micah, you can call me Glasses Boy!"  So far he's been incredible with the transition.  I'm sure at some point the excitement will wear off and he may fight it a bit, but for now he's loving it. 

I crawled into his bed when he was fast asleep a couple of nights ago and snuggled him close.  For some reason I was a little sentimental about this change.  I knew he'd still be adorable, but would other kids make fun of him?  Would he lose any of his self confidence?  Would the glasses hide those beautiful dark eyes and the longest eyelashes I've seen on a little kid?  Would be still be my same little Mikey-Man?  Even though I know he'll be fine, it still just seems so new and different...and for those who know me well, change isn't always easy on me!  Luckily, he just turned three and I think he's too young for anyone to make mean comments to him or even if anyone did I'm not sure he'd really catch it.  Hopefully, by the time he's old enough for his peers to start being mean, they'll all be so used to his glasses that it won't ever be an issue.  I think this transition would have been much harder had it happened 4-5 years from now. 

 He's pretty excited!

 Love...

It'll be interesting to see how all of this pans out, but there are a few things I'm certain of: 
He's still my precious little boy.
He's still as handsome as ever.
He's healthy and I have so much to be grateful for.