Today was a big day in our household. For a number of months now
Scott and I have been noticing some weird things going on with Micah's
eyes. It became clear to us that he had difficulty seeing or focusing
on things that were close to his face. He'd turn his head almost
sideways and look down out of the corner of his eyes to finish eating
his applesauce and when he tried to focus on something that was near his
face he would often go cross-eyed.
Here he is blowing out his birthday candles and doing his little sideways head tilt...
We mentioned our concerns to our pediatrician
and she did some eye tests on him at her office and he passed every
single one. Luckily she encouraged us to follow our gut. "If you're
seeing something off with him at home then I definitely think you should
follow through and have him see a specialist." Thankfully, we were able
to get an appointment with a very respected specialist at
Dartmouth-Hitchcock, but had to wait about 2 months to get in to her
office (since he passed his initial tests, they couldn't hurry him up on
the schedule). Meanwhile, my Mama brain is going a million places that
you don't want to go - what's wrong with him? Does he have a brain
tumor (that does cause vision loss...)? Is he going to be OK? Ugh...I
have a hard time thinking about bad things happening to my children.
After losing my Dad to cancer, I feel delicate, like I'm afraid of what
is going to happen next to hurt my family. It's no way to live, and I'm
hoping I'll heal from the hurt that I experienced through his health
trials, but it has definitely made me more vulnerable. More scared.
More nervous of what's to come.
I brought all three kids with
me to Micah's appointment on Monday. It wasn't ideal, and if I had
known how long of an appointment it was going to be or how much new
information was going to be thrown at me, I would have tried harder to
find someone else to help with the kids. All the grandparents were busy
though and Sadie still relies on me to nurse her every couple of hours
so there really wasn't another option. Thankfully, Camden was very well
behaved for me, but Sadie needed some juggling and bouncing and I even
tried to nurse her while the doctor was doing eye tests with Micah - all
of us crammed into a tiny office and me just doing whatever I could to
keep the baby quiet enough so I could observe what was happening with
Micah. After a number of initial tests they said it looked like there
were some issues and we'd have to dilate his eyes "to see if he needs
glasses or if there is something else going on...". Gulp. Hopefully,
he
just needs glasses. Sadly, they said they had to put two
different drops in each of his eyes. The first one wouldn't hurt but
the second one stings. My poor little Micah just started screaming and
we had to hold him down while I'm bouncing Sadie on my hip while she
administered the drops.
Thankfully, we were on the pediatric
wing at DHMC and there is an incredible children's play room that easily
kept us busy for the in between time. After we were finally called
back in, the doctor did a few more tests on Micah and finally started to
try to explain some things to me. I've never had any eye issues before
so the vocabulary is all completely foreign to me. Add in the fact
that I was juggling three kids who were very tired of being at the
hospital and let's just say I had a difficult time grasping all the
information she was trying to explain. Basically, Micah has trouble
focusing on things close to him - and he may even be seeing double
sometimes. His eyes had a tendency to cross or sometimes wander a bit
and we wanted to be sure to take care of this now so that his brain
makes all the proper connections with his eyes so that these things
don't become permanent. She assured me that he had a pretty standard
case of whatever this is called - yes...it's true...I don't know exactly
what's wrong with my son's eyes - so when I whispered the words
brain tumor she assured me that it didn't look like anything like that.
Deep sigh of relief as I held back tears. Phew!
Apparently, he may grow out of this and not need glasses anymore, but
the range that that usually happens within is anywhere from 5 years old
to early teens. Looks like we'll probably be living with glasses and
eye doctors appointments and more health bills for a while, but I'm just
so thankful to
know what's going on and know that he's OK.
We had to wait about 20 minutes for his eyes to
dilate so I shuffle our small army out of the office and back into the
waiting area with Sadie on one hip and a screaming Micah on the other.
We were a sight to see.
We
went to the store together on Wednesday and picked out his glasses. He
was such a trooper and was so excited about it. He was in a great mood
the entire time until he realized that we couldn't bring his glasses
home that day because they had to make them special for him. He was so
disappointed. We thought we'd have to wait until early next week, but
they called Thursday night and said they were ready! Yahoo! He was
asking constantly when his glasses would be ready, so I'm glad they
didn't take too long! We went back to the store today (three 45 minute
drives in the opposite direction of Camden's preschool this week) and
picked them up. He has been SO excited. "Mama - did you know that
Peter Pan wears glasses?" "Mama, now we can play War with the little
cards and I'll be able to see the numbers." "Mama, you don't have to
call me Micah, you can call me Glasses Boy!" So far he's been
incredible with the transition. I'm sure at some point the excitement
will wear off and he may fight it a bit, but for now he's loving it.
I
crawled into his bed when he was fast asleep a couple of nights ago and
snuggled him close. For some reason I was a little sentimental about
this change. I knew he'd still be adorable, but would other kids make
fun of him? Would he lose any of his self confidence? Would the
glasses hide those beautiful dark eyes and the longest eyelashes I've
seen on a little kid? Would be still be my same little Mikey-Man? Even
though I know he'll be fine, it still just seems so new and
different...and for those who know me well, change isn't always easy on
me! Luckily, he just turned three and I think he's too young for anyone
to make mean comments to him or even if anyone did I'm not sure he'd
really catch it. Hopefully, by the time he's old enough for his peers
to start being mean, they'll all be so used to his glasses that it won't
ever be an issue. I think this transition would have been much harder
had it happened 4-5 years from now.
He's pretty excited!
Love...
It'll be interesting to see how all of this pans out, but there are a few things I'm certain of:
He's still my precious little boy.
He's still as handsome as ever.
He's healthy and I have so much to be grateful for.
