Sadie Grace Turns One!

Our little girl is ONE!  I don't know how this is possible, but it's true!  I just spent hours putting together her baby book and wrote a long note to her in the back of the book - documenting her year and how much she means to us.  I've included it below with some pictures of her special day...Happy Birthday, Baby Girl!
It's so fun to see how much she's grown since the beginning!

Dear Sadie,
It’s hard to believe it’s already been a year since you made your entrance into this world!  You were due to be born on March 25^th, which was your Bepa’s birthday, but just like your brothers, you weren’t quite ready on your due date.   

Even though you were born eight days later, you’ll always have that special bond with your Bepa.  He never got to meet you or hold you in his arms because he passed away just two months before your birth, but he was so excited for our family and to know that a little girl was going to enter our lives.  He knew you and loved you before you were even born and he will always be a special part of your story as his death and your life are so intertwined. 

You were born at 7:11pm on April 2, 2013 and weighed 9 lb 1oz (after pooping twice!) and were 20.5 inches long.  Your Daddy, of course, and Ami and Nan all were able to witness your water birth and it was a truly miraculous moment for all of us to experience.  From the very beginning your 

brothers have showered you with love.  They love to hold you, play with you, make you laugh and now that you’re getting bigger they like to “wrestle” with you.  They’re not always happy when you mess up the toys that they’re playing with, which you seem to thoroughly enjoy, but overall the three of you have a very special relationship. 

You flashed your first big smile at five weeks old and rolled over in both directions just a couple days after you turned three months old.  You learned your very first sign, “nurse” at only 5 ½ months old which was very early and completely melted our hearts and you started sitting up independently around the same time.  On your six month birthday you shocked us when we watched you pull yourself up to standing in your crib and by seven months you had learned to crawl, were pulling yourself up on everything and had cut your first two teeth!  You started taking your first independent steps at 10 months and were walking at 11 months. 

You are spunky, silly and full of life.  If you want something, you make sure to let us know!  You have many signs that you use to communicate with – by your first birthday you could sign night night, more, all done, nurse, grapes, cheese, water, book, diaper change, shower/tubby, gentle and thank you – but if for some reason we don’t see you using your signs you just start yelling to get our attention!  You can also say Mama (first word!), hi, banana, water, apple, cheese, Dada, Micah (Ika), Bubba (Ubba), Ami, Pop, Mylah, again and uh-oh!

You love to read Goodnight Moon and Pat the Bunny.  You’re always getting into mischief and love to pull on and try to eat electrical cords.  You love climbing up and down the stairs and like to throw things into the toilet bowl if someone leaves the top open!  It’s impossible to empty the dishwasher without you climbing up on the open door to “help,” and when you hear the door open you yell “Hi, Hi, Hi, Hi” at the top of your lungs until whoever arrived comes to give you a hug!  You aren’t a very good sleeper and although you fall asleep in your crib, you spend the majority of the night in bed with Mama and Daddy.  You are still nursing every 2-4 hours (or more often) around the clock and although nursing you is one of my favorite joys in life you have a habit of pulling at my hair really hard and/our scratching at my eyes.  Somehow, we both still love those moments together and I’m so glad you still connect with your Mama in that way.  If you wake up at night, I’ll lift you from your bed and you put your head on my shoulder and start gently stroking the hair on the back of my neck.  It’s a memory that I don’t ever want to forget. 
You have brought more joy to our lives than we ever thought possible.  You brought light to our home in a time of darkness and your bright smile has helped to dry so many tears.  You are a little spitfire who is destined for great things.  We love you, sweet little Sadie Grace! 

A Special Overnight

Scott and I received the most thoughtful gift from the family of one of his graduating advisees - A gift card to The Woodstock Inn in Woodstock, VT!  This is a beautiful inn that we have passed many times (about an hour away from our house here in NH), but we've never stayed there and have never even taken an overnight away from the kids since Camden was born almost five years ago!  We figured we would go sooner rather than later, as Sadie is still young enough to go with the flow and isn't on a strict schedule yet.  She came along with us and we left the boys home with Nan and Pop.  We were a little sad to say goodbye to them, but we were only leaving for about 28 hours and we knew they were in good hands!  They ended up having a blast - going swimming and sailing on the lake, sleeping at home in their own beds, playing the "kitty-cat game" (a recent favorite), and having a special time with their grandparents!  Scott and I enjoyed our freedom and had a blast just being together and not having to arrange our schedule around nap times or early bedtimes!  Sadie was a trooper and just enjoyed the ride!  So thankful to our wonderful friends for the incredible gift!
We started off our trip going to church in the Upper Valley and then ate lunch at Molly's (one of our favorite restaurants) in Hanover...
I have a pretty handsome date!

 The Woodstock Inn...

 After getting settled we met up with one of my best friends, Bess.  Bess was my other half (especially on the soccer field) in college.  She's from Woodstock and was home visiting her family for the weekend.  We had a great time catching up and walking around town with her...

 Snuggling on our comfy bed...

We told them when we made our reservation that we're not really wine drinkers.  This is what we found in our room instead!  :)

That evening we went out to dinner at the delicious Simon Pearce in Queeche, VT.  We had a gift certificate here too, and had an amazing (and expensive) dinner for free!  Unfortunately, Sadie didn't sleep through the meal (excuse the iPhone pics - not the best quality). 

We got a chance to walk around the beautiful store where they blow their own glass...(and yes, I am the woman who wears flip flops with every outfit because I own nothing else)!

 It poured rain when we were eating, but we came out to sunshine breaking through and a beautiful rainbow!

 Here's the view of our restaurant from the covered bridge...

We went for a fun walk around town that evening...

Selfie on the iPhone...

We had some extra money on our gift card so we ate (for free...Dang, we're good!) in the delicious restaurant inside the Inn...Unfortunately, Sadie wasn't feeling well and so we took turns bouncing her and walking around until she finally fell asleep in my arms...

 yummy...

We checked out Billings Farm and Museum (free for those staying at the Inn!)

 I love this guy!  Thanks for a great getaway!!!

And of course, we stopped for ice cream on the way home!

I think we need to do this more often!  The only problem is that we just had an extravagant (in our world) trip for practically free!  We'll have to wait until we accumulate the next round of gift cards! 

Sadie's Birth Story Part II

During nap time today while the boys were sleeping I turned on “A Baby Story” on TLC to help keep my mind off the dreaded task of folding laundry.  It happened to be documenting a woman who was giving birth to a little girl after already having two boys.  I was somewhat interested to see what her experience was as she was aiming for a natural water birth just like I had.  Let me tell you…her experience could not have been more different than mine.  Sometimes I wonder if that show purposely decides not to show the more dramatic, painful REAL births that most women have.  I feel like every time I watch it just doesn’t depict anything close to my experiences.  This woman labored at home for a bit until her water unexpectedly broke and they calmly gathered their things to head to their birthing center.  Apparently things moved very quickly as by the time they arrived at the center and got in the tub she was ready to push.  You wouldn’t know this based on watching her – she never made a sound and barely winced her way through contractions.  After peacefully pushing for 5 minutes her baby was pulled out of the water and placed on her chest.  I wish I could tell you that my labor was as quick and easy and peaceful as hers, but that certainly wasn’t the case…

So I finished Part I of Sadie's Birth Story with Scott and me spending the morning of April 2nd walking the halls of the hospital and running stairwells trying to kick my labor into high gear.  Throughout the morning, my contractions were painful and, of course, all of the pain was centered in my lower back as I was once again experiencing back labor, but they weren't falling too close together and I knew we still had a long way to go before Sadie was going to make her entrance into the world.  Around 12:30 my wonderful midwife, Lucy, checked my progress and I was about 4-5 cm dilated.  I was feeling frustrated and discouraged as I hadn't made much progress at all throughout the course of the morning.  After being 8 days overdue and so desperately wanting to hold this child in my arms I was anxious for things to really get moving for me.  Luckily, I didn't have to wait much longer.  By 1:00 my contractions were practically on top of each other.  We had headed down the hall to go on another walk and had to turn around and head back to the birthing center because I was suddenly experiencing such great pain and constant contractions!  The fun was officially beginning...

 We labored in our room for about 3 hours, moving around constantly and trying to find any position to ease the pain of the contractions. 

We tried using the birthing ball, leaning over the sink, laboring in the hot shower...no matter where I was I had to find a position in which Scott could press his entire body weight on my lower back through every contraction.  It certainly didn't take long for me to remember why I had been dreading labor so much.  I can't even attest to what a normal labor feels like, but back labor hurts like h-e-l-l!  Thankfully, my incredible husband was working through each contraction with me and helping me focus, breath and relieve a bit of the pain by putting pressure on my back.  Though I certainly couldn't find a "comfortable" position, we managed to pass a few hours and were hopeful that we were making progress.

Around 4:00, Lucy checked me again and I was around 6cm.  This time I felt extremely discouraged.  We had just labored intensely for three hours and I had only made a little bit of progress.  All that nonsense that people throw at you saying your third delivery will be quick and easy and you'll hardly know you're in labor...yeah, that was definitely not the case for me.

I know everyone's experience is different and every body handles labor differently, but my secret hopes for having a quicker and easier labor were unfortunately not coming true!  We decided that it was time to get into the tub and see if laboring in the water helped me at all.  I had heard some personal stories from other friends who had had back labor that the tub had really felt good for them and I was definitely willing to give it a try.  I had spoken to my midwives about a water birth and had expressed to them that while it certainly wasn't my official "birth plan" that I was striving for, I would certainly be open to and feel comfortable with a water birth if I was in the tub and things naturally progressed that way. 

I got into the tub shortly after 4:00pm and it took a little while to figure out how to manage the contractions in the tub.  It turned out that every time I felt one coming I would get up out of the tub to a standing position and lean my hands on the edge so Scott could press on my back, then I would lie back down for a minute or two until the next one came.  This made for a very challenging and exhausting part of the labor and by the time I reached transition I was just standing the entire time since there was no time in between to sit back down.  I had invited my Mom and my mother-in-law to witness Sadie's birth.  After the year that my Mom had, losing my Dad and experiencing so much pain and sadness, I thought it would be especially meaningful for her to experience new life coming into the world...and knowing that it was our last child made me feel like it was worth offering her this opportunity. 

Nancy had three sons and I knew not having a daughter would mean she may never get to witness something like this so I invited her to join us as well.  Heading into labor I was pretty sure I only wanted them to arrive at the very end to witness the actual birth.  I didn't think I wanted them in the room with me while I labored, thinking it would add more stress and just another thing for me to think/worry about when I already had enough going on.  I had expressed my concerns and expectations to them, so when they arrived around 5:00pm they peeked in for a minute and were ready to go wait down the hall, but I asked them to stay and be a part of it and I'm SO glad I did.  Since Scott was behind me it was so helpful to have my Mom in front of me and I ended up squeezing her hands through every contraction and both she and Nancy turned out to be a huge help and a wonderful support system for me.

Around 6:00pm, Lucy checked me and I was 8 cm.  She broke my water and from that point on I was in constant terrible pain.  I kept saying, “I don’t think I can do this…”, “I’m soooo tired…”, but my cheering squad pulled me through and helped me focus and somehow, we made it to the end.  Around 6:50pm I started pushing.  I’ve had a number of people ask me how the water birth compared to my previous births and I have to say, I think this stage was much more difficult for me than my other births.  I was pretty much floating in the water on Scott’s legs who was holding me from behind.  There wasn’t anywhere sturdy for me to put my feet, so my Mom and one leg in one hand and one of the midwives was holding my other leg.   

This was so challenging because I had nothing to brace myself against (when I was pushing with Micah in a bed my feet were stable against something and I had handles on the side of the bed that I was gripping with my hands and of course I was pressing against the back of the bed with my weight as I pushed…during this birth I just felt like I was floating and didn’t have that same resistance which was super challenging).  Luckily, I only had to push for about 20 minutes and at 7:11pm I pulled my little girl out of the water and up onto my chest.  It was one of the most incredible moments of my life.  Although we were told at our one ultrasound that we were having a girl, we had a difficult time wrapping our head the fact and continued to be a little unsure if they were right until we actually held our precious daughter in our arms.  What an amazing feeling.  

Unfortunately, I pretty much want to erase the next hour and a half from my memory so I’ll try to breeze through these details.  I sat in the tub holding Sadie while Scott cut the cord (and she pooped all over me) and I started shaking like crazy.  A combination of sitting in an empty tub in a wet bathing suit and the shock of all that my body had just endured made me shake uncontrollably.  Then I had to climb out of the tub and into a wheelchair to get back down to my room and climb into the bed.  (These are the little details that I didn’t really think of when I considered a water birth – getting out of a wet bathing suit, climbing out of a tub and into the bed etc…)  After I got settled into my bed, I had to endure nearly an hour of being stitched up.  It was horrible as it was pretty complicated for them and I was in so much pain that I didn’t feel I could safely hold Sadie.   

She was crying and wanted to nurse and the midwives were having difficulty stitching me properly (to the point where about halfway through I had to climb back out of the bed so they could lower it’s position to get a better angle and then climb back into the bed - this is not an easy task for a woman who just endured delivering a 9+ pound baby).  By the end of the hour I was sobbing and just wanted to hold my baby and be done with all the medical procedures.  It was the biggest feeling of relief when Sadie was finally given to me for good.  I snuggled her so close and she immediately latched on and nursed for about 45 minutes!  She’s a champ! 

Overall, I’m so grateful for my experience.  I’m thankful that I was able to have a natural birth even though it was ridiculously painful and something I never want to experience again!   I’m thankful for my wonderful midwife, Lucy, who is just now passing her boards at Yale and becoming an official midwife.  She was following the 3 midwives in my practice throughout my pregnancy, and was with me for nearly all of my appointments (through my Dad’s sickness and passing) and I felt pretty close to her.  I was grateful that she was able to deliver Sadie (the official midwife was also there, but hardly had her hand in the process at all).  I’m thankful for Scott, who was so steadfast and knew just how to help me through labor, and for my Mom and mother-in-law who were a huge help and who I will forever feel closer to after sharing such a raw and intense experience.  I’m thankful for Pop (my father-in-law) who carried the majority of childcare responsibilities for the boys while we were in labor (I’m pretty sure not everyone can say they feel 100% comfortable leaving their two boys with their grandfather for such an extended period of time, but he is SO good with them and I never have to worry about a thing!)  

 Finally getting to hold her after the stitches debacle...

 Proud grandparents...

 My midwife, Lucy...

 Introducing Sadie to the boys for the first time...

 Family of Five!

 So proud...

 Ready to go home...

 I definitely felt, and continue to feel, extra emotional about my Dad.  It’s just so hard to go through something so significant and know that he’ll never be able to be a part of it.  I’m grateful that he at least knew of our pregnancy and knew we were having a little girl…but knowing that she’ll never know her Bepa makes me so sad.  I know he’d be proud of me.