This has been a tough week. After having Scott home for most of vacation, it's been a difficult transition for all of us to watch him go back to work. And this week is even busier than usual as he's traveling with a group of students and until today had only seen the boys for about an hour since Sunday. Now I can't really complain, because I know many people whose husbands travel for work for weeks at a time, and I just can't imagine how tough that must be. But for some reason, this week has just been exhausting. Camden is two and a half and they don't call it the terrible twos for nothing. The other day we went over to my sister's for breakfast and by the time we had left to go to her house at 9:00am he'd already had at least three all-out temper tantrums. Now, not every day is like that...sometimes he can be an angel, but this week I've felt like the frazzled mom who just can't seem to keep up. I look like a mess (that's pretty normal - I can't blame that completely on the kids...it probably has something to do with the fact that I don't own a hairdryer, the only hairbrush I own lives in a little drawer under the passenger seat in the car, I don't own or even know how to apply makeup and I haven't slept for more than a 2-3 hour stretch in months (almost years)), I am tired and I feel torn in a million directions.
Tonight as I tried to get the boys to bed I just felt so frustrated. At first with the boys...and then at myself. Micah was tired and hungry, but I usually try to get Camden to bed first so that I can lie with Micah and nurse him (it just takes longer to get him to sleep and Camden has a hard time giving me the quiet space I would need to successfully get Micah down). I rushed Camden through the bedtime routine. He pooped on the potty (every single night he does this!), I helped him brush his teeth, get him in his jammies and we snuggled in to read two books. Meanwhile, Micah is screaming like crazy in his crib as he waits for me. I'm trying to rush to read Camden his books (of course he picks two wicked long books so I'm trying to convince him to read different ones and he's getting sad because he doesn't want to) and so I rush through two books, turn off the light and just hold him for a minute or two while I listen to Micah wail in the other room. After rushing out to get Micah, change him and bring him into bed, I was feeling so sad about how I treated Camden during our bedtime routine. It's such a special time. Some day I'm going to miss those snuggles, miss those stories, miss singing him lullabies. I snuck back in after I got Micah down. Camden was still awake (he wasn't sad at all, not really in tune to how I was feeling, but just having a hard time falling asleep) and I crawled into his little toddler bed with him and just held him. I told him I was sorry I didn't spend more time with him and I told him how much I loved him. Sometimes I feel like I want him to grow up so fast, these toddler days are tough, but when it really comes down to it I love my little boy just the way he is. I need to make sure I don't let myself get too frazzled, too stressed, too rushed. I don't want him to remember me that way. As I held him tonight I kept hearing two country songs in my head. Darius Rucker's
It Won't Be Like This For Long and Billy Dean's
Let Them Be Little. Both these songs are wonderful reminders of just how quickly these days pass. How important it is to enjoy these moments.
Here are the lyrics:
Let Them Be Little
I can remember when you fit in the palm of my hand.
You felt so good in it; no bigger than a minute.
How it amazes me you're changin' with every blink.
Faster than a flower blooms, they grow up all too soon.
So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give 'em hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
I never felt so much in one little tender touch.
I live for those kisses, your prayers an' your wishes.
An' now you're teachin' me how only a child can see.
Tonight, while we're on our knees, all I ask is:
Please, let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give them praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let 'em sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
The so innocent, precious soul:
You turn around, an' it's time to let them go.
So let them be little,
'Cause they're only that way for a while.
Give them hope, give 'em praise,
Give them love every day.
Let 'em cry, let 'em giggle,
Let them sleep in the middle,
Oh, but let them be little.
It Won't Be Like This For Long:
He didn't have to wake up
He'd been up all night
Layin’ there in bed listenin’
To his new born baby cry
He makes a pot of coffee
He splashes water on his face
His wife gives him a kiss and says
It gonna be OK
It won’t be like this for long
One day we'll look back laughin’
At the week we brought her home
This phase is gonna fly by
So baby just hold on
‘Cause it won't be like this for long
Four years later ‘bout 4:30
She's crawling in their bed
And when he drops her off at preschool
She's clinging to his leg
The teacher peels her off of him
He says what can I do
She says now don't you worry
This’ll only last a week or two
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon you'll drop her off
And she won’t even know you're gone
This phase is gonna fly by
If you can just hold on
It won’t be like this for long
Some day soon she'll be a teenager
And at times he'll think she hates him
Then he'll walk her down the aisle
And he'll raise her veil
But right now she's up and cryin’
And the truth is that he don't mind
As he kisses her good night
And she says her prayers
He lays down there beside her
‘Til her eyes are finally closed
And just watchin’ her it breaks his heart
Cause he already knows
It won’t be like this for long
One day soon that little girl is gonna be
All grown up and gone
Yeah, this phase is gonna fly by
So, he's tryin’ to hold on
‘Cause it won’t be like this for long
