Thoughts From an Expectant and Nervous Almost-Mother of Two

Wow, it's hard to believe that I'm 32 weeks along in this pregnancy.  That means only 8 +/- weeks to go!  Aghhh!  I had an appointment with my midwife earlier this week and all of a sudden the end is feeling very near!  There are only 2 weeks before I meet with her again (instead of the usual 4 that we've been doing) and then it's almost weekly after that!  We're starting to talk about labor and thinking about what I want to bring with me to the hospital and what we're going to do with Camden during that time and when/how we want Camden to meet his little brother.  There are so many things to think about - I was awake from 12:30-1:30am in the middle of the night last night and just couldn't shut my mind off!  Everything seems a bit more complicated this time around.  My fear of labor is intensified - I didn't really know what to expect the first time and I got dealt a really rough hand...so now I have the fears that this labor will be a repeat of the first.  Will my water break 14 hours before labor begins (which caused Camden to get in the wrong position)?  Will active labor be 21 hours long with 5 hours of pushing (dear God, I hope not!)?  Will I have the energy, strength and determination to do my best to have the natural birth I'm hoping for or won't I be able to handle it?  Will Camden be OK with our families during this time?  He's very well-adjusted to both sets of grandparents and loves his cousin Clara, but we've never left him overnight and have barely had anyone else try to put him to sleep (he wakes up so much, will he be OK when Mama and Daddy aren't there to comfort him?). 

Luckily I know that I am in great hands.  Our midwife is amazing and extremely talented and experienced.  Scott proved to be an incredible support physically, mentally and emotionally during our trying labor with Camden and I know he will be amazing once again.  Our families are so supportive of us and will do everything they can to help us through this time of transition...but it's still scary! 

Despite all of these fears and nerves, I am SOOOO incredibly anxious to meet our little guy.  He is SO active inside of me and I'm dying to hold him in my arms and love on him.  Camden keeps telling me he wants the baby out right now.  He wants to play trucks with him and help mommy take care of him.  I'm sure it will be a HUGE transition for Camden, but I know that despite some rough times at the start, he will make a wonderful big brother.  We have had some difficultly nailing down a name that we really love for this child, and when we asked Camden what we should name him, his response was "Bruce."  We have NO idea where he heard this name (it sounds more like "boooce" when he says it), but he now refers to the baby by this name all the time!  When we throw out other ideas to Camden to see if he likes a certain name, he says, "No Mama, Bruuuuce."  Haha...he keeps us laughing. 

It's hard to believe that in less than two months I will have two little boys to care for, to love, to snuggle.  I'm having trouble figuring out how my heart is going to expand to love this little one as much as I already do without minimizing my love for Camden, but I know God will miraculously multiply the love I am able to give.  I can't wait for September.  There are big changes on the horizon, but God is faithful and will walk with us through this time.  I can't wait to hold this new little life in my arms and welcome him to our family.